Why You're Wrong: Intelligent Design a.k.a. Creationism

Won't somebody please think of the children? These words, spoken by Mrs.Lovejoy on The Simpsons, sum up my problem with backwards hicks a.k.a. Creationists. We all know you have incorrect opinions, but please refrain from forcing your mental suffocation on the young ones. When you get old, they sure as hell won't have good enough jobs to pay for your retirement home, because through your opinions you retarded them. So let's get on with it, shall we?

Questions: Is there any better way to reveal your opponent's ignorance?

 

1. I'm not a Creationist, I believe in Intelligent Design! For confusing the two, my god shall smite you!

    Oh I'm scared. Scared shitless. However, I'm not scared of your god. What I'm really scared of is the possibility that you might procreate. I'll skip how ironic the name "Intelligent Design" is and move right on to how you're an idiot.

     Let's first examine Creationism and its doppleganger, Intelligent Design. Creationism in the Judeo-Christian and Islamic sense in the belief that God created the world and everything in it in 6 days, while resting on the seventh day. In contrast (if you can call it that), Intelligent Design is the idea that life was created by an unnamed higher power, since life is "clearly" (read: in our incorrect opinions) too complex to have evolved by chance. See how Intelligent Design is really just a subset of Creationism? I suppose that since this "higher power" is not specifically God, the two aren't exactly the same. But come on. Just come on.

2. Maybe they are the same thing, but they're obviously both right. I mean, come on.

    Wow, good job using my technique from the last paragraph in your response. It really reflects your (lack of) mental character. Can you back that up with specific examples?

3. Sure, the Bible's full of them! And since the Bible says that the Bible is infalliable, that means everything in it must be true! Case closed, right?

    Oh wow. Let's ignore the fact that you have no critical thinking skills or powers of logic and discount the Bible as a source of accurate historical information. Some things in it are historically accurate, but not the parts that nobody was alive to witness. Do you have anything else to back up your point?

4. Of course! Here's an example of irreducible complexity: the human eye. What good is half an eye, eh? I'll answer that question for you: none! Ha ha ha!

    Yes, yes, laugh it up. You have precious little time in which to do it. Let's take your famous eye example and demolish, I mean disprove, it. Obviously, half an eye does nothing. I concede to your glory of the obvious. However, evolution doesn't work like that. Eye evolution probably started with a patch of light sensitive cells some 540 million years ago, and over a few million years developed in stages into the eye of today. I could waste my time explaining it here, or I could give you a comprehensive resource via a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution_of_the_eye

5. Even so, evolution can't explain everything! What about [insert textbook Creationisn ignorance here]?

    Yes, even [insert textbook Creationism ignorance here] can be adequately explained via science. And if it can't, it will be. Just like so many other examples of unexplained phenomena, your example shall one day be explained, too. I'm sure Wikipedia can give you all the answers I can't.

6. If evolution is so smart, why don't you marry it?

    Wow, what a childish statement. You clearly have the brain of a 5-year-old, and a retarded one at that.

7. Granted. But can evolution explain where life came from? I think not!

    Hey wow, you're right! Incredible! Evolution can't explain that because evolution doesn't need to; that topic is not within evolution's reach. Evolution only talks about life right after it started, and it talk about how it changed from there. The beginnings of life are still kind of a mystery.

8. Alright, try this on for size: God guides evolution. Ha! Can't beat that, can you?

    There is no scientific or logical response to your question/hypothesis. If God guides evolution, then it still happens, and Intelligent Design doesn't. Also, why even put God in the equation? Darwinian evolution doesn't need God to function. It's survival of the fittest, plain and simple. No hocus-pocus required.

9. So does this mean I win?

    No. You're wrong, and that concludes another "Why You're Wrong" [applause]